Because children do not live up to their father’s feelings. Father's rejuvenation = disappointment? Why bother, because the baby is not fulfilling your hopes? The baby is not fulfilling

More and more often, dads come to a psychologist or psychotherapist with complaints: “What can I do with my child: it’s unheard of, it’s bad to learn, it’s become uncoated. We expected that he would be our assistant, our leader, our athlete, and... Kozhen iz of us can singly continue this whole Vistula. Another example can be a broadened phrase: “We invested in everything to the maximum, it’s not our duty, but that’s it...”. In this case we are talking about the failure of recovery.

Among the most widespread types of fathers you can see the following:

• The child may be hearing.
• Mushu have a good read.
• I am obliged to take care of additional information (sections, groups, studios, etc.).
• Responsible for helping around the house, tidying up the room.
• May be consistent.
• You can be independent.
• He is guilty of using psychoactive speech (smoking, drinking alcohol, using drugs).
• It is not your fault to spend a long time in social settings, play computer games.
• It is his responsibility to return home no later than the hour his father tells him to do so.
• We can put ourselves before our fathers: (don’t shout, don’t be rude, stay close to our point of view).
• I may get some light.
• Guilty of making friends or marrying a bad (in our opinion) person, etc.

The list of activities for some fathers reaches up to 80 or more items. In this case, as a rule, the diametrically parallel characteristics of the child's behavior are included in this list. For example, “be independent and be relevant from someone else’s point of view” and “Be responsible for your actions and submit to pressure.” Do you know how a child can cope with living with such a burden?

We, beloved fathers, must give our child more love and respect. Worried about his share, starting from the triric age, he is taken to all sorts of activities and activities that he develops, investing in effort and money. While he is small and we cannot know about his beloved, and our faith that we are the most intelligent, the most beautiful, the most successful child is great, we are always trying to expand the sphere of her interests. And, most importantly, we often replace his interests with our own, translating: this is important for you, it’s great, it’s great, be successful, achieve, this investment is in your future. And if we feel like we’re not going to come first to the finish line, or we’re gaining less points than we have collected on the EDI, then our anxiety grows (we were sorry, we just missed it, like we could have given it ourselves) and is transmitted to the child in a phantom view: we’re in They were waiting for you for the highest rank , and you... didn’t get it right, didn’t get it right. The expressions of the people begin to appear (as they are also considered a child): – condemnation; - vіdkidanya; - Zvinuvachennya, criticism. Which, in its own way, inevitably leads to the destruction of contact. It’s time to tell yourself “stop.” As the Swiss psychotherapist Alice Miller wrote, “many people are tormented throughout their lives by the most sinister sins. They respect the stench that the fathers’ recovery was not true.” Many such children, and then adults, develop and experience a steadily high level of anxiety, as such people mittivo scan their behavior on the subject: “I am at the same time in someone else’s anxiety.”

And then, what we see in front of our children are approximately the same ones that our fathers saw. Why is it so important to tell yourself about the origin of your fathers in childhood? And only after this you can move on to the next steps until there is mutual understanding between you and your child.

How can a child learn how to correctly develop her awareness?

Make a list of your checks and describe everything you check out as a child. After compiling the list, try to separate the items into current and recent ones. For example, when you come home promptly, you need to successfully complete the DPA of your fate – it’s important to recuperate. Continue family traditions and become a doctor/businessman/architect, successfully make friends/marry, bring a bottle of water to the elder - long-term.

Analyze and clarify the current findings, then further. To begin with, marvel at its reality: it’s funny to look like a child of the first place at tennis courts, as if you had never even taken the racket to your hands. Marvel at the fermentation of these smells: are the stench more like liquids than hope? What position do you take in relation to your child? And if, like any loving father, you want the most beautiful, bright and great for your child (singing, got rid of the points of the long-term focus), then try to find the middle ground between burden and hope. Since the position “I’m expecting something” = “I’m guilty” = “I’m extorting”, this means that I subjugate the child to my will, strangling her willpower. And who in the long-term plans prescribed the success of the child? And even success without strong-willed zusil is impossible. Why are you so reluctant to give up? Just be careful and don’t worry about it every day. Raptom might as well be proud of himself. Or transfer the responsibility to someone else (a child in this case): you won’t fulfill my hopes! Everything seems to be wrong with the child, taken care of.

Restore respect: both in one and in another position there is no dialogue with the child. And the dialogue itself allows us to marvel at life in reality. I am in this world, I am in this world, I am in this world, I am in this world, and in this world, and with it. And then the story is not about learning from another, but about developing mutual relationships with them. This is about being ready to help, being at home. I inform others that I would like to cancel something else and that I can give you a date.

Unfortunately, not all fathers are ready to share their experiences with their children. And then, in what manner does the child want to know about this? Perhaps, from my father’s disillusioned state and remarks to his address: we gave you high fives, success in business, I’m sorry for my mother, who was tired of working, and washing dishes without guessing...

The first thing you need to do is reach out to your child, tell her calmly about your experience and try to find out about her thoughts behind this drive. Then determine the extent of your participation in your life, so that you are willing and ready to participate. In this way, it is no longer just about deprivation of the body, but our interaction with it, where each person has his own part.

After that, you wonder: what is the child asking you for? Even sometimes we hide behind our children, like a shield, in the face of powerful experiences and failures, the fear of marveling at our own power of life.

Remember, no matter how respectful my son is, as soon as I swear a person, we allow him to go his own way. And we are on this path – assistants and guides, but not wake-up workers, and we are no longer timers with a stopwatch of the skin stage.

I want to die. I let my dads down. I didn’t really recover. Deeply stuck to the point of depression. I don’t know how to live much longer.
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Angelina, century: 18/10.08.2017

Vidguki:

Dear Angelina! You did not describe your situation in detail. That’s why it’s important to give some advice and please. In any case, you do not need to justify the understanding of other people, (let’s not forget our relatives) because we live everything, in difficult times, where it is necessary to comprehend everything through it all. Not everyone can do it. It's okay.

Golovne food. What do you want to tell yourself? What do you want out of life?
Make a point for yourself and go to her.
Don't leave the 99th time? Login for the 100th time. Don't harm yourself. This becomes stuck on oneself and gives rise to anger and depression.

Proximo, century: Bagato / 08/10/2017

I'm flying. Angelina, death is not a way out, but a dead end. You worry that you haven’t really recovered from your fathers, but you don’t think at all that they will be able to rush out of grief before you leave again. There is nothing painful for the death of a real person, especially a child. How many mothers pay attention to their blue daughters and from knitting, and from tires, and from cubes, and of course, they didn’t want anything for their children, but love to the child is boundless, and selfless, and above all else! Whatever the case, Angelina, you are the support and encouragement of your mother and father, they will love you because you do not have a model appearance, but because you have earned a lot of favors. Oh my goodness, donka! Alive and healthy! And this is a smut.

Irina, century: 29 / 11.08.2017

Angelina, hello! I can even hear you. Just don’t fall into trouble. I understand that it is even more important for you that you let your fathers down. We're having mercy, don't get so embarrassed. The sense of life is forever, but in the future it is important to understand. Angelina, your life is just beginning. worse. Worry about those who are absent and find yourself something to do, then you can better experience the sense of life. And try again to turn to God, especially if bad thoughts come to your mind. Return to New for help more often and you will become better) I wish you a sense of life, more patience and strength, good mornings for your family, success in your life, good health, good mood for the future, happiness I, more love, more joy All the best to the world in life! Pray, God will help you! Guardian Angel!

Anastasia, century: 19 / 13.08.2017

Most Important

The most beautiful new

Sens sufferer

As a rule, as soon as new fathers discover that they will become their children, they immediately begin to look for a new name. Although we are guided by the sweetness of the given name, according to the father’s nickname, or we name the child in honor of our beloved family member, or we are a student of the encyclopedia, we joke about the name in The subsurface share.

So the little one had not yet been born, and we were already wondering what we carry, what religion we carry, and what kind of religion we carry in the future. The child is not ready to give birth, but the avalanche of her family and loved ones is already falling on her. And the doctors also terrorize the fathers with their norms of development, which the little one can again reproduce. And in truth, nothing is to blame for anyone - neither fathers, nor doctors, especially in childhood.

Insanely, we want the best for our children, we try to save them from our blessings, give them those that we didn’t have, and then we collect for them the best bunch, the most prestigious school, university, and then pay for them. my profession.

We are happy if we go as we planned. What’s missing? What do we feel if the child does not validate our feelings? Rozcharuvannya, rubbish, almost guilty. And it seems that we are not sorry for the child for those who put our children on her, but we are sorry for the marriage, for our children, for the fact that our child does not correspond to the ideal of marriage.

How are our findings justified?

Instead of thinking about the fact that the child did not justify your results, ask yourself to what extent your results were justified in relation to the child.

I am deprived of rivers, I can’t speak yet, and my fathers have already decided that they will start at the most prestigious gymnasium of the place. And give this gymnasium, regardless of those who need to drive through the whole place to get there. A school at a different end of the city, classmates who live in a different microdistrict... What does a child need? Probably not. Who needs it? To the fathers, when the skin hurts they say: “And my Vanya begins at the nearest gymnasium in the place.”

Or a different butt. The boy of three years old is tempted to go to the kindergarten, he is uncomfortable there, it gives priority to the home environment, and his father is inveterate in taking him to the kindergarten every day, although his mother wants to stay at home. The child begins to have hysterics, and instead of that, in order to understand his son, the father takes him to a psychologist with instructions to guide the child to kindergarten. The sins had not properly cleaned the fathers, and the stinks were about to go wild before the father, so that he could make her child the kind of stink they wanted her to be. Why is there a stink on the baby's crust? Definitely not. It’s important for us that when we go to the children’s kindergarten, and since this pressure on the child’s psyche appears in the future, they will recognize fate in twenty years.

Right to choose

It is up to us to take control of all aspects of our child’s life. We say: “I know what is better for you.” Will children ever need our knowledge? The newborn needs the stench of life. Already in the river, the child is on her own, sit by the cart no matter what, go wherever her mother calls, or still go to hell. We already have to ask what color T-shirt we want to wear today. Of course, it’s easier to think about what we wear, what we eat, what group we go to, and so on. What we have in front of us is not a toy, but a feature that, for normal development, must learn to make informed choices and bear responsibility for a new type of responsibility. By allowing the child the right to choose, we do not allow her to develop her independence, and then we say: “You’ve already had 20 years, and you’re feeding from me, so I can’t pull your shirt in!” When will you grow up?! And once again the untruthfulness comes to light. Who is to blame for this?

Help, not dictate

What's wrong with the fact that your child chose painting rather than gymnastics? Do you want to be a doctor, or not an economist? This is your choice. Well, this very sphere feels comfortable. Who do you want to virostify? A nervous banker with a bunch of chronic illnesses, but with a rich salary and a happy artist? Our mission is not to spoil the child, not to overkill it in our own way, but to help it grow harmoniously. Develop the qualities of your child, do not attribute them to something that is not the same as you have seen.

When I found out that I was going to be a daughter, my mother immediately prayed for me some living cloths, fancy bows and a bunch of dolls. Alright, when I saw them, the doll’s daughter didn’t give a lot of attention, but then again, we quickly wielded the screwdriver and used it to tighten the screws in the toy machine! How so?! The girl plays with the machine, and also takes it apart for help with twisting! Adje doesn’t care so much! What did I smell? Of course, no. We were greeted with a plethora of toys: cars for the boys, and dolls for the girls. In two years we were already actively mastering the camera, and in three years we knew the mechanics of a car. Now it’s almost five, and since only our dad can handle a screwdriver or a soldering iron, he gives up everything and runs to help him. The technical part is worth more, lower dolls and toys. Who did I check? No. Am I embarrassed? The same is silent.

I remember that a physics teacher at school once told us: “If you don’t read physics, you won’t be able to repair a refrigerator at home.” Then I laughed at these words, and now I realize that a child of my height, like in the future, might be able to use a refrigerator.

Our marriage is accustomed to endlessly care for and direct its children. Apparently they are already over 40. What can we say about the subs. “It’s important to pour into life what I didn’t get,” “I know exactly what a child needs,” the motto of the rich fathers. Let alone talk about their unrealized dreams and ambitions.

I didn't ask you for this

The underlying problems and their conclusion are partly mature. Whenever your body changes, hormones begin to flow. And since this is under the pressure of the fathers, who are afraid of what is going wrong, they will not escape the acute situation. Often, fearing to embarrass the mother, the child “inserts a heavy song on her throat” and sings “not a little” of her horns.

And a different scenario is possible. A sublime revolt is brewing. Then there is no stormy dad between: “We were going to write about you.” People feel endless value in the fact that they put so much in it, they sacrificed so much for it. "Ale hiba I asked you about this?" - Sets the food supply, and the fathers don’t know what to tell.

Fakhivtsy's comment

Olena Militenko, child and family psychologist:

Fathers can look after their children with their unrealized ambitions and desires. Continuing your life in them, as you certainly cannot fulfill your powerful dreams and aspirations. And then the food “How happy will the fathers be?” brings to mind a completely different perspective. If you would like to stop thinking, stop squealing, relying on the innocence of that future, how to stomp and splash in the dark, then you can think that the child has the right not to accept the choice that her fathers will pay for her, and will just like that є. And being khan fathers doesn’t mean anything, but sometimes it’s all the same.

Don't cook it, but savor it!

Stop shouting and strengthen the situation. A young rebel can make firewood so that it will be disgusting in this gloomy future. We, fathers, are elders, and therefore, we must be wise. There are a number of rules to help mothers and tatas know their favors and ensure the trust of their sons and daughters.

Your child is an independent individual. He is not your copy, and is not responsible for realizing your dreams. Allow the gentleman to go his own way. “The child is a guest at your house. Please, listen and let go,” - for the sake of the Indian flavor.

Accept your child as he is. Long live torn jeans, multi-colored hair, dreadlocks! The child’s incarnation in the father’s khanna and the intelligent ones are of great importance for endless drill.

Don’t be afraid that nothing will come of your recklessness. You will get out of him if you trust him, love him, love him, and support him. It is necessary to help you to open up your criticism. Be careful where your soul is at, and unobtrusively offer help. If so, go away and allow the child to work with power. Start talking about your recovery, when you smell your son’s thoughts.

At a young age, the child begins to disappoint the fathers in order to foster with them. The time has come for your child to choose his own path, and for the fathers to become embarrassed and cry: “Who were you born into?!” At this very hour, children who live under the guise of their father’s dreams begin to dye their hair blue, wear clothes, scream, and experiment. Breathe deeply and guess the inscription on Solomon’s wedding ring: “Everything passes, everything passes.”

And the main thing is to take care of your life. Here you are using the child for the sake of not your own authority, but yours.

Fatherland’s ideas are connected with the phenomena about fruits - hopes and dreams. However, the stink will never be true, and the result may be painful. A practical skin psychologist raises this topical topic in articles and notes.

If your father’s expectations have not been fulfilled, you feel disappointment, devastation and anger. You can beware of a different reaction - out of interest and excitement, everything will be corrected and work exactly as intended. This is true, since our actions are directed at inanimate objects, but fathers often use similar methods in the process of child care.

Batkivskie ochikuvannya

It’s very common for dads to swear at those who don’t listen to their child, it’s a bad idea to listen to her, she’s become uncoated. At which point they add that they wanted to vilify a deputy, a deputy, an athlete. Moreover, the mother sometimes confronts the child with the fact: “We are investing in you to the maximum, and we are obliged to do so, but then...”

This reaction of the fathers resembles the setting of an inanimate object, in which both the child and the father feel the disappointment and inconsistency of one another.

I feel like I'm being obligated to my dads

Wait a minute, it’s funny to watch like a child of the first place in the tennis courts, as if you’ve just started to get busy. Don’t you know what is more similar to the Borg child in front of you? Of course, you, like a loving father, want all the best for your child, but try to find the middle ground between hope and hope.

It’s good, since Father’s Vistava at least a little confirms the real development of the child, and the real needs and needs. It’s a very difficult task to stand in front of children who are likely to resemble their father’s feelings. The child tries really hard, follows all the instructions, lives according to the imposed routine, but still fails to comply.

Think about it, why is it so easy to just give in, without putting in any effort and without worrying about anything? It’s much easier to transfer responsibility to someone else, in this case to a child, awakening a sense of guilt in her.

Fathers need food to work because children do not really care about their fathers. To report on this, compile a comprehensive list of Father’s reports, dividing them into current and recent ones.

Not all fathers are ready to reveal their feelings to their children; children most often find out about them through their father’s disappointed or dissatisfied replies to their address.

It’s really necessary to learn to talk about your recovery, at which point it’s almost like a child has the same idea. These empty treatments can be transformed into mutual interactions, where the skin takes its part.

Just wonder what the child is watching for you. Learn to respect your son and daughter as special and allow him to go his own way, helping, not too much to point out his mistakes and mistakes.

Try to marvel at the situation in your child’s eyes, be a wise father and listen to your heart. As we grow up, it is important to understand what is most important at this moment for our little one - to work intensively for the future or to give respect to what is important for our little one, which is happening now. It is necessary to know the golden mean, otherwise it will be difficult, if in the process of this choice the child will remember the most important part of his life - the child, as he quickly passes, and this waste is unjustified.

No one can deny that parents always want the best for their children. It is also important to realize that fathers often try to correct their power on their children - unfulfilled plans, dissatisfied ambitions. Whose work is not possible, fathers, what to love, we must take care of the peculiarities of the child, her needs and needs.

Prepared by Katerina Vasilenkova