Phrases that you need to include in your vocabulary when sleeping with a child. Words you can't say to children What words you can't say to a child and why

“For the first time, being brutalized to a child, an adult begins his promotion, no words are possible.” This is not possible, this is not possible, this is not possible, this is not possible, it is not possible before, it is not possible after, it is not possible at all. If you give free rein to an adult, you will repeat “it’s not possible” from the morning until the evening, without fixing it, like a parrot.

Grigory Oster, "Papamamalogy"

This lecture on psychology was given to me about ten years ago, but I still remember some of the ideas from it. It turns out that as soon as the word “It’s not possible” is said, it creates protest in the little one’s soul, or simply negative emotions. It’s been a long time since I’ll explain why. First: the memory of generations, which, long before the nationality, children accumulated hostility to almost a hundred words that prevent freedom. And to a friend: dads, don’t worry about this, use the word “It’s not possible!” in a categorical, sometimes menacing tone, which breeds rebellion and protest in the soul of a child.

What does this mean, what word may soon appear in Father’s vocabulary?

They adhere to the traditions of Japanese pedagogy, where everything is allowed to the little one. Unfortunately, this principle is simply interpreted by the fathers in the context of culture, where, as a rule, the child enters into marriage, as he harshly regulates his life with a system of rules and fences. You can read about the negative evidence of the transfer of the principles of Japanese pedagogy to the Russian soil in this very important article: http://www.babymania.ru/parent/expire/vospitanie/wizmam/wizmam0010.htm

No one wants to raise their child to be wild and untidy, because of which they fear death. Fences are socially constructed. Stinks are necessary to help relieve the indifference of people with various, sometimes super-sensitive, diseases. Behind the great rakhunko it is not possible for those who cause harm (psychological and physical) to the people themselves. Everything else is POSSIBLE. Fortunately, the world is no longer divided into “black” and “white”. Vidomy psychologist Yu.B. Gippenreiter at his book "Spielkuvatsya with the child. How?" having described several color zones of child behavior

Green zone - everything that a child is allowed to do at her own discretion. For example, what games to play, what classes to play, what class to sign up for, who to be friends with, etc.

Zhovta zone- Before her there are children, in whom you are assured of certain freedom. A child can act on the power of choice, but comply with certain rules.

For example: you can walk around in Kalyuzh, or in gum boots, you can sit for lessons if you want, but finish work before 8 pm, you can walk in your yard, but don’t go far.

This zone is even more important, because Here the child herself is accustomed to internal discipline behind the calling mechanism - in the middle.

If a child understands sensory interactions and accepts them without conflict, then the interactions become powerful, and the adult’s defense turns into self-defense.

Orange zone includes such children that are not hidden, but are not allowed through special circumstances.

For example: New children are allowed to go to bed later, less urgently. After being away for a long time, the father comes late in the evening and the child is allowed to catch up and will not go to the garden tomorrow. Otherwise, the little one will have a bad dream and the mother will take it from her bed until she can calm down. These accusations, because they are true and true, do not confirm the rules.

Chervona zone includes children who are unpleasant in everyday circumstances. These are our categorical “not possible”, so don’t be shy about blaming them.

Consider the stench associated with harm (physical, moral) to yourself and others. For example: you cannot play with fire, portray those who are weak, or cross the road into an illegal place.

The list of these “grows up” at once from a child and brings him to serious moral standards and social defenses.

Especially for me, the child’s behavior became categorical: “How can you say the word “You can’t!”?” Discipline in the family may be a problem - how can it not become too stressful for the child and senior members of the family?

A few rules for promoting conflict-free discipline in the family:

1. Limitations (wets, fences) are painfully painful in the life of the skin child.

At the beginning of life, practically everything is allowed - the world (to be more precise) is audibly bending under your ban, all the life of the family revolves around the needs of a small person, and that’s normal.

For everyone’s sake, even though we can’t say enough, it’s obvious that this is happening at this time. In fact, it is a shock for children to be exposed to the first barriers. There are a lot of fathers, and the smell is coming from the unique situation connected with the fence. In this case, the child sticks out from the fences between the family and it becomes more painful. In addition, such children develop an ego-centric type of peculiarity, unrealistic statements about the world - they believe that all their children will inevitably be victorious.

2. The boundary, the vimog, the fence is not to blame, but it is necessary to be rich and the stink is to be felt by the gnuchki (div. kolіrnі zones).

Interest in the traditions of learning in other cultures will help you understand that the world is also familiar with defenses. Before school, our children should be forced to cut their teeth without looking at their fathers, just as on the island of Samoa a girl of 6-7 years old knows how to open coconut peas with a hard one and with a light blow of a knife the size of herself.

3. Father’s family is not guilty of entering into obvious concern with the most important needs of the child.

The large number of fences on the side of the father is important for the special growth, physical and mental development of the baby. Child activity is the implementation of a very important need for a child’s development in a mastered space, knowledge, formulated knowledge about oneself through testing one’s strengths. A normal healthy child will squeal as soon as it eats the kidney, and then crawls upside down - where does the hedgehog go - down or up? Can I climb this tree? What's in the alarm clock or radio? Some children are satisfied with food for adults, while others need to try everything in practice.

The above-mentioned message is about safety, the purpose of “laying down straws so that it falls softly” in order to avoid harming children. For example, the need to rub your whites on yourself, an intrusive support for any movements around the house reduces the child’s value of self-importance, the symptoms hide only on themselves, and it is reasonable to avoid them.

The child’s lack of creativity and research leads to the fact that the baby is constantly tired, does not know how to occupy himself without adults. There may also be neurotic manifestations: nightmares, enuresis and stuttering.

Instead of barking at the child, who is searching for the world, for those who dig the sand directly with her hands, and even while kneeling, just get her such an outfit in which she can play calmly. In the spring and spring, young pre-students already need pants that don’t get wet, or wear overalls and gum boots - and don’t hesitate to spank on the canvas as much as possible! It really bothers you that the child’s hands are dirty after a walk, take a package of white servets out with you and you can wipe the child’s hands as needed.

4. Rules, boundaries, duties, barriers are to be made for the benefit of each other (both within the framework of the determination of one adult, and between all adult members of the family who are engaged in the care of a child).

Since the relationships between members of the family are not entirely harmonious, then the fences are manipulated not for the safety of the child, but to remove the psychological advantage, and the child becomes a victim of the super-sensitive “it’s not possible - it’s possible.”

You can’t put on new shoes at the door without them getting lost, like the mother of a nine-year-old daughter.

It's possible, it's possible! - To be honest, who cares about dissatisfaction, if you don’t want to start an open scandal with your friend, and don’t waste the opportunity to inject them with your helper child, - Let the girl show off.

From this situation, the father removes a number of “winners”: he has gained the authority of his daughter for a few years, standing on her side with her mother; having revealed to the squad some of the accumulated aggression and thus causing a scandal.

5a. Since the child is small, then if you are protecting her, speak in a calm and firm voice.

It’s easy to marvel at him. The least amount of hesitation and laughter, and the little one does not at all understand your serious mood. The most common reaction of a toddler to a fence is a blind laugh. And it’s absolutely impossible not to laugh at the witness. And then - no matter what you say - you will not be taken seriously.

The janitor Antoshka collected the snow from his shoulder blades. Mom said that you can’t work, because the snow is heavy and cold, and you might get sick. Ale son weaved the snow so comically that his mother laughed. The boy managed to make his mother laugh, and on all walks he began to work himself. Now my mother was no longer laughing.

5 B. For an older child, the tone in which one appears to be trying or defending should be more friendly and explanatory, less punitive.

Try to explain to your child the reason for your fences. The phrase “It’s not possible, because I said so,” may make your life easier, but it is unlikely to be acceptable to a reasonable child. It is important for everyone to know that mom is protecting not what she wants so much, but what she doesn’t care about.

“Give me your hand, we’ll cross the road now!” - the richly intelligent child, the lower command: “Stay now!”

“Be careful, there’s a big guy out there playing the bully, let’s get around it, otherwise the bully might hit you! The bully might not be safe!” - this is more beautiful, lower: “Well, where are you going to rush, there are goydalki!”

As an older child, your explanations are clearer, so that she herself begins to suddenly stumble when approaching the edge of the sidewalk, and she herself knows why she cannot pick up a sharp knife or a neck.

Trustworthy communications between adults and children convey an honest and frank exchange of feelings that evoke their mutual behavior. If you are embarrassed by the fact that the child is destroying your defenses, tell me about her, describe your body, how her behavior has attacked you. Prote adults can chant about sum, aggressiveness and images, experienced by them, shouting to the very behavior of the child, and not in the words of the boss or in the figurative phrase of the man, then. An adult is obliged to better orient himself in the world of power to the experiences and learning of this child.

6. Read children's tales and stories that will help her understand the legacy of broken fences.

For example, in the story of "The Swan Geese" the girl destroys the fence of her fathers and follows her brother, but she is ready not only to suffer punishment for her behavior, but also to eliminate the legacy of disobedience, the fathers do not suspect that The boss didn’t listen to them.

Important: after reading the story, do not overdo it with morality, otherwise you risk forming a child’s guide to literature!

7. The word “It’s not possible!” There are no more pleasant synonyms for your child!

Zokrema, a smaller protest in Wikliche, the baby has the word " Not safe! It is best to get to know the baby from behind with hot and spicy objects. It would be better to show your head or a hairpin and then inject your finger, accompanying the ceremony. vigukami on kshtalt: "Oh! Golka gostra!", "Oh! It will hurt more!" "It's not safe! I pricked my finger!"

The child, like a few times, has tried, like a ring finger, to learn the word " Gostra! “And “Not safe”, and when you say in that very voice: “Oh! Nizh gostrii! It’s not safe!”, we singly believe you and cannot be trusted.

So just show the little ones that they are driving, for example, for help with a candle. The vognik is just right for children, and the stench stretches their fingers right to the half. Don’t respect him, don’t let him try, but be honest: Oh! Into the fire! Hotter! Not safe! More painful there will be a finger!

It is possible and necessary to introduce children to the concepts of hot porridge and drink, so that the little one knows how to swallow the hot porridge without trying to put it in his mouth.

Obviously, you won’t plug the child’s fingers into the socket, but simply say that there is an electrician there, and what does it bite, it’s not safe.

In certain everyday situations, the river has the following meaning: not required There is no need to tear up the flowers in the flower beds, there is no need to smear the porridge on the trellises.

Children of young school age are sensitive to different kinds of “rules”. They must obey, because the rules of the stench are always felt to be included until the singing of sleepiness. Young schoolchildren need to know the rules of how to behave in classes, at the theater and in transport. If you are planning to walk with the little one to the theater first, tell him from behind that at the theater you need to sit quietly, and as they say, not even a whisper. When explained, the following formulas may help you: " Ugly", "Here are the rules", "Not accepted" etc.

8. Always stand your ground. Be consistent with your needs.

If you once blocked a child, as if she didn’t believe, don’t give in. Malya may realize that her mother said “no!”, no amount of hysterics will help. Ditina will tell you “weakly” more than once.

An elementary example: little Svetlana’s mother did not allow her to play with her mobile phone. Svetlonka fell into a shambles and shook her legs most heartily. Mom endured this hysteria for a long time, and then gave up. Fences against the girl have ceased: they are desperately trying to get theirs in such an ugly way. What is there to do with such a situation? As soon as your baby has grown up in a similar manner, calmly go to another room. Well, for everything, this work in public is quick to stutter and is unlikely to be repeated, even if the child has already realized that such a technique does not work. You went, but this “concert for applications” is not mentioned? Just try to remove your child and switch his respect to something else.

9. Acceptance of miming respect: “It’s possible, but not at once,” and also “It’s possible, but not here.”

You can’t make noise here, but you can go into the corridor and make some noise there.

You cannot paint on a book, but you can paint on paper for painting. Axle, let's paint the car!

You can’t hit the boy, but you can tap the edge of the sandbox with a spatula.

Here you can’t scream, here the baby can sleep by the stroller, or you can go into the forest and scream there!

Licorice is not allowed, the medicine is not allowed, the apple can be protote.

10. The most beautiful method of whipping is the butt of an adult!

For example, if your mother can’t be seen on the street, then it’s clear that she won’t throw away the pot as a dumpster, but will carry it to the nearest trash can.

If you block a child from crossing the road on a light line, and then immediately destroy the fence behind her, do not be fooled into thinking that the child will be a fast walker in your presence.

During the hour of writing this article, my nineteen-thousand-year-old Zhenya decided to practically practice all the actions from the descriptions of the rules. Her big nose tried to get into the tangle of wires and cables around the system unit, her hands wanted to hit her mother’s keyboard, and her two teeth, which were obvious, wanted to tear apart that old hamman and her mother’s notebook... Mom was doing this. The same instructions. Until the time of writing the remaining rows, the babies were in a happy mood and were not physically harmed.

If you want to know a healthy approach to childcare, start removing these 40 phrases from your vocabulary.

1. "You don't understand anything"

Children seem to be as important as adults. It’s important for your child to say what you think is not true, so that you don’t throw it away.

2. “Ti tovstii”

Your respect will not become a motivation for losing weight, but may become a catalyst for serious emotional problems in the future. If you want your baby to be healthy, first of all, prepare healthy food and exercise it regularly.

3. "Stop crying"

Have you ever been told to stop crying? Why did you ask? If you pretend to be a child, you make her cry even more intensely: from the very beginning and at the end of your decrees.

4. “I’m timid if I’m with you”

While I would like to understand that you are passing on your skills to the next generation, remember that your children may not be able to master your special skills and may be disadvantaged in the long term. All children develop differently, and every child is afraid of disappointing her father.

5. “Be a great girl/boy”

Emotional maturity is a permanent thing, and one that tends to develop over time. The phrase “be a great boy”/“be a great girl” conveys that they can apply this function for any good reason.

6. “Why didn’t you take off 5?”

Since you have never nourished your friend, the manager, why have you not yet become a general director, it seems like a little bit of no-feeding to feed the child, why you have taken away 4, not 5.

7. “Ti egoist”

Children may exhibit a variety of behaviors. Just as the child senses from her father: “You are his own,” which may be her mother’s ruinous inheritance. Try to talk to your child about how you sense her “selfish” behavior. And then you will be able to win a more generous child.

8. “You’re not serious”

If your child tells you that she doesn’t hate her readers, calls herself bad through filthy assessments, or even that she would give the advantage of living on the street, below your booth, it is absolutely unacceptable. However, you are in no way to blame for allowing the words “you’re not serious” to fly out of your mouth.

9. “Don’t be crazy”

We would all like our children to grow up strong, intelligent and independent. Ale expressions like “don’t be a weakling” are not a way to earn money. Everything that you reach with these words will always harm the child’s self-esteem.

10. “My house - my rules”

The expression “my house - my rules” will serve as an incentive to build a bond between you and your children. If you want your children to know what your policy is, it would be wiser to moderate your morality.

11. “You’ll make me laugh”

This statement encourages the child to feel respect for the happiness of his fathers, as a result of which the child endures under a heavy load.

12. “This whole thing was following me, and I was going away”

Acting people, unimportant in their childhood, grew into decent adults. However, this assertion is often abused to justify good behavior. It is best to tell your children that they will react to any situation the same way as you do. You are setting a standard that may be impossible to overcome.

13. Why can’t you be like your brother?

If fathers tell their children that the smell is not similar to their brother, it smells unhealthy and can make the child realize that everything, no matter what she did, is not good enough.

14. "You're perfect"

You may be wondering what to say to the child like this - good, but maybe your mother will not accept the inheritance. If you tell the child that she has finished, you can lead to devastation in this situation, if she realizes that she has not reached the mark.

15. “Don’t overdo it”

Telling the child so she doesn't exaggerate is not a way to solve the problem. Apparently, since the child reacts too strongly, you may not be able to mark anyone. Then try talking to him about what he perceives.

16. “You are the head of this family”

We are wise to overpower the boys so that the stinks grow and behave like good men, since the stinks are even young. The “you're the head of the family” attitude can cause extreme stress.

17. "You're fine"

Whenever you cry, it may be an automatic reaction. This somehow demonstrates that you value everything else in peace.

18. “Be a hot girl”

The concept of the “good girl” is deeply ingrained in our culture. Unfortunately, if you show this, you are reinforcing the old idea.

19. "How can I help you"

It is important to let your children know that you love them. It’s not your fault to say that you can’t convince them of anything, so if they ever ask you for something unhelpful, your wife will be a serious blow.

20 “All your speeches are mine”

You bought most of your child’s speeches. Let us say that there is nothing of our own in the new one, it may be traumatic.

21. “You are linear”

If you tell this child, she will realize that she cannot earn anything to change this.

22. “Finish it”

This may be driven by an incredibly small difference between satisfaction and transfers.

23. “What’s missing”

Telling a child that working for her is not enough will not be a motivation for her, especially since she was trying hard.

24. "Don't bother me to repeat myself"

Tell your children that you don’t want to repeat yourself - the greater the danger. These are not the ones that make them better.

25. “You’re not nice”

If you call a child unsightly, you will feel bad. Let me explain why this is so important.

26. “You are the most beautiful”

By telling your child that she's the most beautiful, you can set an unnecessary standard, and also make your child base her self-esteem on her appearance.

27. “Behave like a child”

Children are emotional creatures, and they cannot fully control their feelings. Talk to your child about those who feel this way and how you can help.

28. "You can earn better"

However, if children work hard, they may not get what you hoped for. This requires understanding.

29. "Practice to be timid, let's get to the bottom of it"

The practice tends to be to discourage people from playing the violin until their fingers bleed.

30. “I'm mad at you.”

It is important that fathers remain calm and avoid such virulence. You can make a child feel respectable for someone who is almost mature. It is important to discuss how you feel the child is responding to this particular behavior and what you can do to resolve the conflict peacefully.

31. "I'll give you everything for you"

The said may make the child feel the goiter knitted at you and at the same time scowl at you.

32. “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed”

Telling children that you are frustrated as an alternative to being angry is irrational, without solving the problem, without telling them how they can work better, and rather than encouraging them to see their own feelings.

33. "Ti robish tse is wrong"

Allow your children to try and recognize failure - this is the main part of the learning process.

34. “Am I looking the same?”

As soon as you feed your child what you look like, you not only let her understand that it’s bad for her, but you also convince her that it’s not normal.

35. “You can calm down”

By focusing on this, instead of simply explaining why the child’s behavior was abnormal and what needs to be changed, you will only make her feel bad about herself.

36. “Because I said so”

If you show that what you said is true, it does not give an incentive to follow the rules. Explain why you banned this rule.

37. "Calm down"

By telling someone to calm down, you may not achieve the goal, but may end up aggravating the situation.

38. “I’ll let you cry”

Telling your child that you will give her the opportunity to cry if she is embarrassed is a very emotional behavior.

39. “You are just like your mother/father”

If the child demonstrates bad behavior, I will resemble your man’s behavior, I can’t help her. This will embarrass both you and the child.

40. “If you had never been born more beautiful”

You can’t really say that. If you are embarrassed, just walk until you cool down, so that you can act in a more important manner.

You are all about your dad and who are you so good at? I won’t report to Rozum.”

Such phrases often convey anger, dissatisfaction and disappointment. Essentially, for a child, this means that you simply were not spared from your son’s daughter. Children feel a sense of anxiety and self-esteem, while older adults feel anger.

“I have no time for you at all”

This expression is closed for people of any age, without seeming to be about children. The next time, simply, the child is kidding us in a different way. And even at the sound of a broken glass or the cry of a gut, my mother would come running like a sweetheart.

"Not yours on the right"

Sometimes this phrase appears with a calm and seemingly benevolent intonation. Toil for respect - if you grow up, you understand. Ale mensh careless, no matter what. For some children, experiencing the unknown is the trigger point of neurosis. For others, the reason is the formation of such character characteristics as suspicion and distrust. And it turns out that the child stops giving food to eat. And then the fathers wonder why the virus is so bad.

“Where are you going?”

Why do dads say this? Sometimes I have pity for my child. It is sometimes necessary to lose order from oneself. But more often than not, you can’t really believe his worth. So, no matter what, the zeal for the child may change. It’s really important what you achieve, because when you grow up you don’t value your efforts and your mistakes in failure.

"Tell the Truth"

This can lead to lasting results, especially if they are supplemented with threats. All this creates a situation of pressure, constant control. Versatility and honesty emerge in the minds of trust, gentleness and tolerance in various situations.

“Everyone will laugh”

Outsiders, in reality and obviously, act so closely that their father’s actions completely transfer the spiritual functions to them. With such a treatment, the child begins to be afraid of strangers, perceive the inability of the child, or show aggression to the point of alienation.

“You can’t start a good stink”

We want our child to have friends. Only friends who may have positive feelings in all their senses. But in our children’s life, our task is to select among friends, and it almost seems like we don’t call out. The stinks freeze up, tell their dads less about their fights with friends, and gradually move away.

“Children are booming”

There is no doubt that the world has a lot of children, all of whom are wise and good. And, naturally, the stench of burial screams. Every time you can’t put them equally with your child. These are the same people who spend the whole hour praising the vessel and putting them in line with the squad.

“How many problems do you have?”

Nowadays, the child calls not to create problems and not to share thoughts and worries. Often life is saved and it turns into depression.

Rules of family behavior for children up to 3 years of age

What does the future child care about, which fathers did not immediately interpose between the behavior and did it wrong? Why is it stupid to say “it’s not possible”? Why is it bad for a baby to impersonate a mother? Psychologist Marina Ozerova talks about the first rules that can go wrong in a family with a child.

I would divide all possible boundaries for a child into small groups.

Beyond the level of necessity:

Living necessities, installations for children. (The one on the right, if the family lives in a lordly little house with a plot, where the child can easily explore the great expanse, the other on the right lives near the place, where the safe territory is much smaller.)
Ethically necessary, installed dovkills. (Those that are accepted in a particular society. These boundaries are related to the peculiarities of society and the ethical rules in that environment.)
These are the ethical needs established by your homeland.
Timings, established in connection with the change in the middle of living in the guise of someone else's territory and someone else's rules. (Budinkas can be done, but in the summer or at a party - no.)

Behind the viscosity level for viconn:

It is categorical that it will happen again.
Suvori, who will work again for a rare wine - respects the furnishings. (It is indecent to show up late for a meeting, unless you are faced with a choice: come promptly or help someone in time - it’s better to be late.)
Not strict, as they often change, watching behind the furniture.

We first need to sit down and write for ourselves what is important, what is not important, and what is objectively necessary. And then we take care of the child.

Children begin to learn boundaries even during the childhood period, when their children begin to develop the foundations of the middle. Of course, the main rank of cordoni means mom - I want the first fences to be especially important: don’t bite, don’t tear hair, don’t hit. The idea that not everything in the world is determined by your “I want” is already beginning to take shape in childhood.

The main period of “restoration of cordons” is considered to be early childhood (from 1 to 3 years), if the child, first, radically changes its position (begins to walk upright), then it becomes clear that its origin has been cured, and for example the end of this period begins to haunt the atmosphere" I" and begin to interact with the light. Why do you need to understand what you can do on your own until the end of the day.

The child begins to develop typical reactions and learns the first rules of behavior: they cry loudly, but mothers can and should; Items can be thrown from the sofa onto the floor, but not from the balcony; It is possible to hit the underside with a club, but it is not possible to hit people. The cordons are explained to the child and before chewing (you can run between this territory, but it is not safe - cars drive there), and after all (obviously, this category does not include boundaries related to safety for health and life).

Then, in preschool age, the child begins to establish boundaries on her own depending on the situation (for example, when her mother did not show up at a party). It is necessary to completely formulate it before the puberty period, if people have to get used to setting their own boundaries and following their steps themselves.

The cordons are cleared and laid out in front of us for the fathers themselves. Before you convey them to your child, you need to understand in what way you are placing them. It’s nothing but “because I said so!” I can’t stop thinking: maybe this cordon should be completely cut off?

It is necessary for both fathers to install cordons, so that the child does not get confused - it is possible with mom, but it is not possible, and anyway. Since fathers cannot dwell on a specific topic, children may begin to develop dual behavior and the ability to manipulate people. If you can’t manage to cross over your half without the need for these or other cordons, or, for example, with tied cordons, it’s better to give up to the squad (squad), which will not harm the special development of the child and the moral development . This method applies to both fathers.

Since the child’s skin is more intense than the child’s, then we suffer from the authority of the “permissive” adult, who breaks the barrier of another father and the child. Of course, there is a need for sleazy, important cordons, and any kind of quarrels (you can’t scream loudly in front of your mother, she doesn’t like noise, and you yourself don’t mind running around) appear in an individual order, since they don’t stink up the cordons and nsho dad.

How to define boundaries and formulate barriers?

Create a safe space. Take a look around: what can you take from your child’s reach so that it doesn’t get mixed up or clogged up? Instead of praising objects that are innocently dropped into the hands of a child, take away their property. Place plugs on sockets, secure electrical cords from household appliances, unscrew handles on drawers or attach special latches to drawers and doors. In this case, the booth does not have to look like a defense vessel - close those that you do not want to give to the child (documents, unsafe speeches), and fill up unnecessary items: for example, the baby can take the whiteness from the noise and “reconcile” them, perhaps wash pans from a kitchen towel . .
Since you have tidied up carelessly, I bet, valuable items, but it’s all the same fencing needs(Hot stove, etc.), then the stench is to blame:
- be necessary (it is impossible not because you have such a mood today, but objectively blocked);
- act calmly (“Don’t let go, or don’t shout!” is the wrong approach);
- change with the age of a child (two rocks are less likely to use a sharp knife, and this one is like a mother);
- be supported by all the members of the family (as has already been said above: this is not allowed by both mother and father, and none of the fathers plays along with the child “well, take it until mother gets sick”);
- be very numerous (threes more than 5-7).
Don’t say “you can’t”. What happens when the fences appear as “you can’t work them”? The child wants to cross the cordon and wonder what will happen. Well, why not? And how mothers react. And mom reacts so turbulently that you want to gradually repeat this destruction! Just as barriers are seen in the form “don’t work” (“don’t climb”, “don’t scratch”), the effect is the same, although the “don’t” part is weaker, not in a commanding way. The report says “robi”, and the child climbs. Bring back the respect that the phrase “Don’t climb on the staircase!” The intonation of the voice does not fall at all on the first word.

They say more simply about the unlucky ones: It’s not safe to work! (since we taught the child this concept in advance); “We’re not so timid!”, “We don’t accept this!” (in our family, these are the rules of behavior and behavioral models; these are the phrases they tell children to come when they destroy boundaries, adopted from your booth); “I don’t allow this timidity!”

If you formulate this way, for a child it means that:

you have the right to allow or not to allow (then you need to be heard);
you make statements about what is acceptable and what is not (then you can adopt the value system);
You will demarcate your territory (here we are not shy, but there you can. For example, you don’t allow it in your own home, but your grandmother allows it in hers).

If you just say “it’s not possible” - it’s unclear, why, in the best way, it’s not possible.

If the fathers are not just protecting (“It’s not possible!”, “Don’t touch!”), but are guarding the child (“It’s not safe. You could burn your hands. It will be even hotter!”), responsibility for the actions is transferred to the child—and that’s right. People are obliged to recognize the heritage of their ancestors and bear responsibility for them.

Of course, for the unspoken words “hot” and “carelessly” are not understood. So you can help him master this sense beforehand - for example, by touching a hot pot holder (it’s hot, but not safe for a child’s hand) and assigning the concept “hot” to it. Therefore, by catching the child with the words “Hot!”, “Not safe!”, we transfer her the right to praise her decision. In this manner, the child becomes responsible for her accomplishments.

Of course, there is no talk about the threat to life and health. We are talking about a situation where, without any particular risk, we can allow a child to destroy the fence under her authority, calmly reacting as she continues the action, regardless of guard. For example, you can gently brush a pie pulled out of the oven. So the child understands that she will have to face the result of her wrong actions (destroying the fence).

It’s right to say about the dirty moral rules (you can’t steal anywhere: not in mom, not in grandma, not in the sandbox). It is better to convey this to the child through special experiences: this is unacceptable, because the people suffer. Not to the one who would be caught by the hand and punished, but to the one who would be unacceptable to stumble in your place. “We’re not afraid, that’s why...”, “It’s rotten, that’s why...” - without a report explanation of the head coverings on the emotional stage, these defenses will be an empty sound.

Can you be mean to your mom?

Another important thing is nutrition - it is necessary to limit the unimportant nutrition of a small child until the father “dies on its own.” Let me remind you that we are not talking about children who rebel, but about all young children, from early childhood to preschool age.

Any negative manifestation in relation to the father (the child will swing at her mother or her, call her names, shout at her) may be dangerously kicked out. Why can’t we allow a child to disrespect her father? As always, the main reason is that the child itself is the greatest. Otje, Why do dads allow unimportant things to be done to them, to mischief the child and the future one??

A child has an innate need for consistency and order. You need to obey the instructions of a reliable defender, feel under the intercession of an adult who directly protects you. Since a grown-up man allows any kind of obnoxious actions towards him (the child calls his mother a “fool”), then in the eyes of the child, her father cannot be that reliable support, as he thinks. If grown-ups cannot protect their boundaries for themselves, how can they steal a child from this majestic world?!
Throughout the preschool period, the main authority for the child is the father himself (it is not a household call, but a psychological phenomenon - inducing children from dysfunctional families to love their mother). Since daddy doesn’t perceive a shady attitude towards himself, then why should we listen to him in principle? And the worst thing is that it is spoiled during the period when the child is completely ready to accept everything that her father gives her. So the fathers themselves destroy the value of their words, and the children do not absorb everything that they grow up to contribute.
In early and preschool childhood, the child identifies herself with her parents. You should indulge yourself in images of your beautiful mothers and fathers, who are similar to your fathers, who copy them. Because the father allows the child to belittle himself, the first thing for everything is to destroy the positive image of the powerful “I”, ruining the child’s adequate self-esteem, so that the child obviously remembers the belittling of the powerful image. (And how is the image that can be beaten or called, perhaps a year-old inheritance?) So the father himself is able to perceive himself as a child normally. If a child does not develop adequate self-esteem in early childhood, then she compensates in inappropriate ways.
The fathers themselves formulate in their children the first statements about the drainage system in the world. About those how the light is placed before the new, and about those how to interact with it. To the father who allows himself to belittle himself, he conveys to the child the childish manifestations about hundred years with people (and not all situations in the marriage are subject to mother’s innocence and father’s shame).

The estate has a hierarchical system (when entering the office before the boss, people are treated differently from their closest friend at a cafe). The foundations of behavior in the childbearing system are formed not when a person grows up to go to his first job, but in early childhood, when solid behavioral models are formed in his or her cognition. Apparently, further dissent from mothers about the fact that aggressive and unimportant behavior is not permissible is superimposed on the very latest practical evidence of the child, images from her early childhood. In addition to people who do not respect those closest to them, it is important to make friends and get involved in society.

When spoken with a child, certain phrases are learned by fathers automatically, they simply flow from the language themselves, which is why they are passed on from generation to generation. At first glance, these words are not at all harmless to the smallest, but, repeated day after day, they can, in this and other worlds, spoil the formation of the child’s characteristics, affecting their character and psychological health. And here we are not talking about the brutally cruel words said to the little one in order to elicit negative emotions from someone, but only about those moments when the fathers use the vikory method to stereotype stereotypical behavior for most adults. and. What kind of defensive phrases do mothers and women need to think about?

1. “If you behave badly, Baba Yaga will come and take it for you!”

The purpose of the beast. Phrases of this kind can have many faceless variations: “... I’ll let the Okhorontsevs go, a policeman will come, a policeman will come, a doctor will give an injection, etc.”, but their essence is the same - the baby’s slander, in order to achieve new hearing, good behavior Inki, vikonannya tykh what others could do. Often this technique is evident even from the very beginning, even if a child begins to trust her father and accepts their words as truth, regardless of whether it smells like a real “scary hero” (a doctor, a policeman, someone else’s uncle) or Kazkovogo (Baba Yaga, Barmaley, Babai, Vovk) character.

Why is it unsafe? The bad thing is that a “side effect” of such a whirlwind method is that the result is often not the same as what the fathers were hoping for. If an alert little one with a strong nervous system simply stops reacting to such statements and switches over, so that the words of adults cannot be taken seriously, then an anxious and troublesome child can experience a strong reaction and develop a neurosis . You can’t say such babbling words to a child, even if you don’t explain her heritage and actions, don’t explain why you can and can’t behave in a singing manner, then lead to extreme anxiety (one hundred percent of the doctors themselves, for example), spending almost without baking, greater discipline. .

Work on pardons. For the sake of a temporary positive effect, it is not possible to provoke the appearance of complexes, fear and mistrust in a child, rather to reveal a little more patience and in a form accessible to the child, explain to what extent their actions can lead, motivate them with a positive example or switch on shos tsikave: “Katya, marvel , bachish, do the neighbors have a stroller? They have a small bag, it seems like I can’t sleep if you scream so much. Where's your doll? Let’s get her to bed and quietly let the little cat sleep.”

2. “Don’t run, you’ll fall!”

The purpose of the beast. All fathers try to protect their child from the dangers of the world, but sometimes it is necessary to switch to hyperopia, which is necessary for their development: “Don’t go near the dog - taste it!”, “Don’t bite it - you’ll grow it!” (Run over the car, ruin the gut, hit the goydals).

Why is it unsafe? Every now and then, the predictable negative consequences of the baby’s actions, between his need to learn the world and work his little skills, work on the power of power, you form an alarming and indifferent peculiarity, which checks more on inacceptability. The child will be able to become independent, independent, open and successful, as in the eyes of the people themselves there is a noticeable guarding and protection. Of course, this does not mean that you can’t talk to a child about insecurity, allow her to risk her life and marvel at how she uncontrollably takes over more space.

Work on pardons. It is important to teach your little one to adequately deal with a “unsafe” situation, meaning the power of objects and cause-and-hereditary connections, learn to correct your decisions and work. Therefore, instead of harsh and categorical shouts, try to calmly insure the child: Do you want to bring the grass and fruit to the table? “Okay, this is a glass and it may break if it falls, so wash it with both hands and stand carefully.”

3. “You are not heard, you are not loved”

The purpose of the beast. Often, a mother tries to appeal to her child’s worries and disobedience with similar phrases: “I don’t need such a rude one,” “If you believe, I’ll go,” etc. Of course, the mother may be tired or angry with the baby’s behavior, and with such words pragna to convey to child your emotions and bajanya bachiti yogo “good”.

Why is it unsafe? Vibrany zasib - this is the manipulation of the dearest for the baby - his cunning and love for his father. The child will demand her mother’s crazy love just like herds, so the phrase about those who don’t love her or she is not needed can evoke panic fear and a state of hopelessness, with which the child is not so easy to deal with. Such words cannot be spoken to a child, and even through them the baby experiences illness, tearfulness, and the father’s sensitivity in the child’s childhood.

Work on pardons. Instead of telling your child more quickly about your feelings and about those in which you would like her to be: “It hurts me more and more, as you can’t hear me and scatter toys, I love you so much and I want you to be "I'm the head assistant."

4. “Robi, whatever you want, just don’t care!”

The purpose of the beast. This phrase can be used by fathers in two situations. Persha the baby often hears his mother’s words: “Get on with it!”, “Don’t worry about it, do something,” “Take it, just give me peace of mind!” - In these episodes, if the stench is busy or you want to pay attention. Friend - if mom says: “Robi, whatever you want, just calm down!”, “Take it, just don’t pester me!” - he blames when the mother “succumbs” under the child’s pressure and exchanges the fence for torture.

Why is it unsafe? The fathers themselves do not note that, using similar phrases, they induce the child to meet their needs, as a result of which an internal attitude is formed in response to the need for moisture. And since the baby still “runs over” the adults and removes the fruits, it strengthens it in a reasonable sense that with the help of its skiggi, tears and hysterics, you can remove everything you want.

Work on pardons. If you feel that you can’t cope with your emotions, get some water or go out to another room, and when you calm down, encourage the little ones to take their share as best you can from your rights, or come up with something interesting to do about making a bunch of paintings for yourself (for example, painting the weather outside the window )). If you install any kind of fence for the baby, the stench will be permanent.

5. “Give me more, I’ll spoil it, you won’t be able to do anything else.”

The purpose of the beast. Children constantly break everything, break it up, become obnoxious... And, of course, the fathers want to speed up this unpleasantness, so similar phrases sound melodiously in every homeland: “Better than myself,” “Let me straighten it out, your arms won’t grow.” You’re always a sucker.”

Why is it unsafe? This criticism, heeded by the fathers’ idea of raising a child more diligently and calmly, actually rudely cuts off the child’s ability to be independent. In these words one senses the father’s anger in his strength, image, and negative assessment of his efforts. This programs the child for failure and creates in him a sense of apathy and lack of initiative.

Work on pardons. Instead of harsh criticism and judgment, try to encourage and straighten the child from childhood, show her that you are in order and are ready to come to help if needed: “Try, and you will see, and if “I’ll help you.”

6. “Everyone has normal children, you’re the only one...”

The purpose of the beast. Comparing your baby with his neighbors’ children, brothers and sisters, parents are determined to show their respect on the positive basis of the “ideal”, so they achieve a very serious effect.

Why is it unsafe? For a child, such insults sound even cruel and condescending, indicating that their fathers do not accept her for who she is, in order to “love” someone else. Not only does this create an image of jealousy in a child’s soul, but it also gives a negative result. The child just makes a special effort not to rob those who want her.

Work on pardons. Fathers need to remember that all children are different, with different characters and abilities, so it makes no sense to respect their little one. It is much more productive to accept him and support him, showing your love and thereby increasing his self-esteem and trust in those in power.

Only your positive example will help to effectively reveal the child’s talents and formulate positive qualities in her. Tell him more often that he is always a miracle and everything will begin in an hour.

7. “What a piece of trash you are!”

The purpose of the beast. There are plenty of variations on this theme: “Oh, what a cool boy!”, “You’re so icy about me!”, but the essence is the same – these phrases of a negative evaluative nature give the child the message “I’m trash.”

Why is it unsafe? Such ironic, hot-tempered and “affectionate” terms are extremely harmful for a child’s psyche. Even children of a young age cannot understand irony and sarcasm, do not take into doubt the words of their mother and father, but unabashedly believe them. Such a phrase can be thrown out of annoyance or in anger, or as a stereotypical form of spitting, seen in front of one’s fathers, but it is necessary to understand that it is constantly repeated that the little one is “filthy”, “badass”, “bad” etc., You may have less than normal behavior.

Work on pardons. It is impossible to judge the child itself, its specialness, but it is impossible to appreciate its actions and features. Zhreshta, a little fellow of such stature as you admire him, do not let such images for pedagogical purposes be feisty, obviously inappropriate. Consider the difference between the phrases: You are trash! and “Today your behavior does not suit me” - and try to express your thoughts more clearly before sleeping with the baby.

Evidence of the bright fathers

Olena Vorobey, actress and Sonya (12 years)

I remember that Sonya never wanted to eat the little ones in the cage, and I started keeping them at home. I seem to feed її: What do you want? - "Dumplings". I cooked a whole bunch, my daughter got a little thing and said: “I don’t want any more.” I skipped: “Then I’ll give you them with me to the garden near the three-liter banza!” Vaughn was angry and now the dumplings started to eat.

Sergiy Zhukov, spivak, that yo team Regina Burd, Nika (7 years), Angel (5 years), Miron (1 year)

If Nika and Angel were smaller and didn’t listen to us at all, we sat the child who had done wrong on a table in the other part of the room and deprived her of one thing so that she could think about her behavior. If they were guilty of disobedience, they were taken to their rooms and sat there on tables. Now the children have become older, and when there is a stink, they are simply taken to their rooms, it’s time to think.